Plastic Jesus, a good old tune tent meeting style.

Here's a sample of the tune featuring Paul Newman.


Ernie Marrs, Ed Cromarty and George Rush (the Goldcoast Singers)

Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
I could go a hundred miles an hour
Long as I got the almighty power
Glued up there with my pair of fuzzy dice

{Refrain - repeat between verses}
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all trials and tribulations
We will travel every nation
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far

I don't care if it rains or snowses
Long as I got my plastic Moses 
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all trials and tribulations
We will travel every nation
Me and plastic Moses will go far

I don't care if it rains or freezes
As long as I've got my plastic Jesus
Glued to the dashboard of my car
You can buy Him phosphorescent
Glows in the dark, He's pink and pleasant
Take Him with you when you're travelling far

I don't care if it's dark or scary
Long as I have magnetic Mary
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car
I feel I'm protected amply
I've got the whole damn holy family
Riding on the dashboard of my car

You can buy a sweet Madonna
Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a
Pedestal of abalone shell
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
'Cause I've got my virgin Mary
Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell

I don't care what they say, I'm gonna
Keep on prayin' to that pink Madonna
Melted to the dashboard of my car
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary
Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell

I don't care if it bumps or jostles
Long as I got the twelve apostles
Bolted to the dashboard of my car
Don't I have a pious mess
Such a crowd of holiness
Strung across the dashboard of my car

When pedestrians try to cross
I let them know who's boss
I never blow my horn or give them warning
I ride all over town
Trying to run them down
And it's seldom that they live to see the morning

{As refrain}
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
His halo fits just right
And I use it as a sight
And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far

God made Christ a holy Jew
God made Him a Christian too
Paradoxes populate my car
Joseph beams with a feigned elan
From the shaggy dash of my furlined van
Famous cuckold in the master plan

Naughty Mary, smug and smiling
Jesus dainty and beguiling
Knee-deep in the piling of my van
His message clear by night or day
My phosphorescent plastic gay
Simpering from the dashboard of my van

{As refrain}
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Once his robe was snowy white
Now it isn't quite so bright
Stained by the smoke of my cigar

When I'm goin' fornicatin'
I got my ceramic Satan
Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago motor home
The women know I'm on the level
Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil
Ridin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago motor home
      Sneerin' from the dashboard of my Winnebago motor home
      Leering from the dashboard of my van

I don't care if I'm broke or starvin'
As long as I've got a fish named Darwin
Glued to the trunk lid of my car
God, I'm feeling so evolved
Drivin' with my problems solved
Proclaiming what I think of what we are

Riding home one foggy night
With my honey cuddled tight
I missed a curve and off the road we veered
My windshield got smashed-up good
And my darling graced the hood
Plastic Jesus, He had disappeared

{As Refrain}
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus,
No longer chides me with His holy grin
Doctors in the X-ray room
Found Him in my darling's womb
Someday, He'll be born again!

I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I got my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
He's the dude with the rusty nails
Walks on water, don't need no sails
Riding on the dashboard of me car

I don't care if the night is scary
As long as I got the virgin Mary
Sittin' on the dashboard of my car
She don't slip and she don't slide
'Cause her ass is magnetized
Sittin' on the dashboard of my car
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About Egg Zackly

Retired amateur pundit.
This entry was posted in Religion, Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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